We Still Have Hearts
by Vampmer
Summary: A continuation of Season 4's episode "The Five", Stefan leaves Elena alone with her thoughts when Damon comes back to try and make things right between the two of them after the frat party. Damon/Elena, one shot.


We Still Have Hearts

Elena/Damon

_This fic takes place directly after season 4's episode "The Five" picking up from the last scene with the Salvatores and Elena. _

I just wanted to say a quick thank-you to all the people who reviewed my first story. I've actually been on here for 11 years but every few years I delete all my older stories because I don't feel they're up to snuff. So I hope you enjoy my Vampire Diaries fics.

"It'll get easier." replied Stefan, after Elena confessed that her learning how to feed made her feel awful. She shook her head. He didn't understand her meaning.

"I don't want it to. Stefan... I'm feeling things I don't want to feel... and I'm becoming someone... someone that I don't want to be!" she shook her head as she spoke, trying to keep her tears from pushing through. "I don't think I'm going to survive this-"

"Hey!" he interrupted. "Yes you will." she shook her head frantically. "I promise."

"No..." the tears were coming now.

"Yes, hey..." he reached out and pulled her into a safe warm hug. "You just have to hold on." Stefan rested his head against her as she nestled into his chest. His thoughts were a mess with everything he'd learned from Klaus. He knew he'd made the right decision in stopping Rebecca. Elena didn't want this, she needed to be cured.

They stood there on the porch step holding each other as Damon looked on from the street just out of sight. He frowned. Elena didn't want to be like him, and how could he blame her? Sometimes Damon himself didn't know if his humanity switch was off or on. It wasn't the first time she'd rejected him, but it stung all the same. He couldn't help but wonder what would have happened if Bonnie didn't show up when she did. Bonnie hated Damon, and had ever since the beginning. Damon knew he shouldn't have asked Elena what he did- but only because he already knew the answer. It would have been nice to live in oblivion a little longer. What other signs did he need? Just before Elena went off the bridge she even told him she'd chosen Stefan. He was about to storm off back to the boarding house when he spied his brother leaving. He raised an eyebrow and strained to listen.

"You sure you don't want me to stay?" asked Stefan knowing how hard it had been lately for Elena to be around Jeremy as a vampire.

"It's okay, I'm okay. I fed enough, I'm not going to hurt Jeremy." in the back of her mind she knew Jeremy had his ring, but really she just wanted to be alone for a bit. "It's like you said, everything I feel is heightened. I'm just feeling hopeless and it's magnified by everything." she shrugged.

"There's always hope." said Stefan gently touching her cheek. "You taught me that." he bent and kissed her carefully on the forehead thinking of the summer Elena had spent trying to bring him back from Klaus. "Get some rest." she nodded at him and gave a half smile as he stepped down the stairs and headed off in the direction of the boarding house. She lingered a moment in the porch light, thinking to herself that neither Salvatore brother really understood how she was feeling or what she meant.

Elena turned and walked back inside. Jeremy was just walking from the bathroom to his bedroom. "Hey." he said stopping by the door.

"Hey." she was still distracted. "Everything go alright for you today?" she asked. Jeremy nodded.

"Yeah. How 'bout you? You learn to feed?" He asked trying not to sound too eager

"Yeah." she nodded. "I did. I didn't hurt or kill anyone. It was okay."

He smiled. "Great. So Damon was able to make it work for you after all. That's good." he shuffled his feet knowing Damon could be a touchy subject with his sister. "I'm going to bed, did ya need anything?" she'd never fed from Jeremy, but he was always a moment away from offering it if he needed it.

"I'm good. Just tired, I'm going to write in my journal and then go to bed." Jeremy nodded at her reply.

"Good night then." he went into his bedroom. Elena stood a moment staring at the closed door reflecting on everything Jeremy had been through. At the very least she did feel like she knew how to feed now. She wouldn't be losing her control and going for Jeremy out of starvation. That was good.

She walked into her own bedroom and quickly decided on a shower. Though she'd done her best to clean herself up, remnants of the costume she wore and the blood from her feeds was still on her. She smelled like alcohol, blood, sweat, and Damon. She shuddered and stepped onto the tiled floor that was connected to her bedroom, dropped her clothes, turned on the water, and stepped in the tub. She didn't bother to turn on the fan or close the door- her bedroom window was open anyway.

Damon and Stefan both didn't get it. Stefan was there to shield her, make her feel safe, comfortable, and warm. Damon was there to push her, test her, bring her back from the edge, and do it all over again. They both saw Elena as someone needing fixing. She didn't want to be like Damon... but she didn't want to be like Stefan either. Elena wanted to be, Elena. Neither of them seemed to understand that.

Being a vampire wasn't the end of the world. Elena just sincerely didn't want to hurt or kill anyone. Damon proved to her at the frat party that she wouldn't be a ripper like Stefan... but that didn't mean she wanted to survive on animals. Elena liked feeding on people. That scared her. She liked it more than anything she'd experienced.

Damon was standing outside her house now, debating on knocking. He didn't like the way he left things with Elena but he thought Stefan would be there. Instead, he left her alone. Damon wasn't convinced that Elena being alone after all that blood was the smartest idea. He could smell the steam from the shower- and his eyes looked to her bedroom window. It was open. In half a second he'd jumped up and was stepping in as Elena was stepping out in a towel.

"Damon!" He winced as she slammed into him full vampire speed sending him backwards flying out the open window. "What are you doing here?" she scowled.

"Youch! Man! Remind me to never sneak up on you." said Damon dusting himself off and straightening himself out. He was standing on the roof of the porch, just below Elena's window. She glared at him, he hadn't answered her question. "I..." he started about to give a smart ass reply but thought better of it an decided to go with the truth. "I felt bad about how we left things, I just wanted to check up on you. I didn't think Stefan the hero would leave you alone." He stared her down and she stood there in her towel looking down at her feet like a kid who'd been caught with their hand in the cookie jar. "...unless you didn't actually tell him everything about your time away learning to feed." he relaxed his shoulders a bit- feeling somewhat relieved. He wouldn't be getting punched in the face anytime soon. It was hard not to stare at her and think of those few seconds when they touched during the party. Touching Elena was like touching fire. It was exciting, warm, and inviting. But it left a burn, usually.

"Damon..." started Elena with hesitation. "Just... give me a second to get some clothes on." She resigned herself to the fact they'd be having a conversation. A long time ago Elena made a promise to herself that she'd encourage any good behaviour and human like behaviour she saw in Damon. Checking up on someone was a good thing- so didn't want to just send him out. Speaking of which, he wasn't moving, and stared at her like some gift he was about to unwrap.

"What?" he smirked as she met his gaze. She huffed a bit, then walked to the window and slammed it shut, closing the blinds. "Hey- it's not like you don't have anything I've never seen before!" he teased. He sat himself down on the roof shingles and waited. She didn't seem pleased to see him, but she didn't send him away. That was a good sign. It was remarkable to Damon just how much of Elena's human self still stuck around. She could still be a huffy puffy hot-headed 18 year old girl. He knew how far she'd let him push and tease, but sometimes he'd push a little extra just to see.

Meanwhile Elena was combing her hair and picking out a night dress. Usually she'd sleep in sweats, or a t-shirt and shorts, but sitting out there with Damon like a slob didn't feel right. It was hard not to be self-conscious about the way you looked standing next to Damon Salvatore. Before she became a vampire- she thought it was just some sort of vampire charm. Now that she was one, she knew it was just Damon. She smoothed out her hair and slid into a silk night dress. It was a pretty pale lilac, form fitting, and made of silk. One glance in the mirror told her she looked _too_ good for a visit with Damon. Her heart fluttered for a second before she grabbed the house coat from the back of the bathroom door and strode out into her room.

Damon jumped to his feet when he heard the window slide open. "About time.. any longer and I was-" he lost his train of thought when she stepped through the window and the moonlight hit her. Elena's skin was alight in a way only a vampire could see- it was practically luminescent. Her hair blew gently in the wind sending wafts of her scent to him. The house coat she wore was open at the front and he could just make out the pull of silk against her skin.

"What?" asked Elena sitting down on the shingles. She'd have never tried coming out on the roof as a human, but as a vampire she was comfortable here as on the couch. The height and slant didn't bother her in the least. She stared back at Damon who still hadn't responded. "...well?"

He sat down quickly, next to her but not too close. "..sorry. I just, ah, sometimes you catch me off guard with how much you still look like your human self." he explained letting his eyes and thoughts drift away for a moment.

"What do you mean?" asked Elena genuinely interested in the observation.

"You don't have any kind of dark vampire aura.. which I think is the point isn't it? You don't want a dark aura, you don't want to be like me." He forgotten she'd said that for a second, but it came back to him now.

"That's not how I meant it Damon." she said accusingly, but Damon wasn't going to let her off the hook.

"How _did_ you mean in then, Elena?" he shot back. "It seemed pretty clear to me."

Elena sighed and looked down at the street. "You're right, I don't want a dark aura, I don't want to reach the depths you have..." she began. He inwardly sighed. "But I don't want to reach the depths Stefan has either." she added.

She took a long drawn out breath and thought for a moment about how she was going to explain this. Damon watched her, burning with both rage and desire on the inside. Heaven forbid she be like him. She was more like him than she was like Stefan, and she wouldn't face it. "Sometimes, even when I was human, it feels like you're always trying to turn me into Katherine, and Stefan is always trying to turn me into anyone but." There. She said it. Something she'd been wanting to say for a very long time. She only wished she could have just said it to Stefan too.

"Oh," said Damon, before the words actually sunk in . She caught him off guard. That's not what he expected to hear. Was he trying to turn her into Katherine? Maybe he was... just a little.

"I know she was important to both of you, and she hurt both of you, but I can't make up for things she did or didn't do. I'm not her. I'm just the doppelganger." explained Elena.

"I know that." replied Damon. "_We _know that. Maybe Stefan and I... just forget it sometime. " He was silent for a little bit thinking about what she said. "I guess... I just saw Stefan go through so much pain trying to live on animals and deny who he really is, I didn't want that for you." He leaned back on the roof and looked confidently out at the stars.

"No. I know that. But you also want me to just give in to every instinct and go all out." she added, fidgeting with her hands and looking at the sky too.

"I wanted that when you were a human." he smirked back in reply. "I don't want you to end up killing someone Elena. I just think it's inevitable territory with a vampire. I want you to be prepared. I don't want you to crack and think all is lost if you mess up." It was the truth. Damon may have very selfish motives when it came to Elena a lot of the time, but what he said was sincere and Elena could feel it. He honestly didn't believe these ideas of Stefan would work, and with all this pressure on her Elena very well could end up turning off her switch if she failed.

"I'm no ripper but I'm not Katherine either. I don't want to be a vampire so consumed with blood lust she hurts the people she cares about the most. I don't want to let go and lose control and become someone I hate. I don't want to live like I don't have any conscience... or heart!" The words practically burst out of her and Elena knew she was probably being a little over the top thanks to her amplified emotions but she couldn't help it.

"Elena!" shouted Damon breaking her from her speech. "We still have hearts." he stared at her intently then reached across and grabbed her hand before she could think to snatch it away. He pressed it to his chest. "We're vampires but we still have hearts. You. You still have your heart Elena."

Elena could feel his heart pumping underneath her hand, but it was more than she would have been able to feel as a human. Damon's heart was pumping fast, and the beat reverberated through her hand, into her arm, and through her whole body. Without warning, the tears spilled over, and she leaned into Damon who wrapped her in a tight embrace. "I'm sorry, I know this is just me not controlling my emotions, but I'm just so scared. I don't want to lose myself." Damon rocked her.

"Shh... it's okay, I'm here. I'm not going to let you lose yourself." He understood a bit better now. Elena really was all about her heart, and with the examples of vampires she's seen in her life, all of them turning off the humanity switch, it's no wonder she expected it to be a normal part of who she'd become. "Too many people that love you are here to help, that won't happen to you."

She nodded sniffling into his shirt. She did feel better having his arms around her. Elena knew she should feel guilty but right now she really _needed_ Damon to make her feel like she could do this. Stefan could tell her all he wanted that she'd be fine, but Damon was on a mission to _make_ it fine. Damon could be remarkable sweet and gentle- when he wanted to.

"You love me. Don't you? You said it to me once before but you erased it." said Elena. It wasn't a question so much as a memory that bubbled to the surface.

"You know the answer to that." said Damon leaning his head on the top of hers.

"...but you love me in a different way than Stefan does." and when she said it, she knew it was true. Damon may very well love her more than his brother ever could. If it had been Damon that night at the bridge- She'd still be human. "Damon, what do you think would have happened, at that party, if Bonnie didn't show up when she did?"

"I wouldn't have let you kill anyone, I promise." he answered. "I'd probably have let you feed more, but you wouldn't hurt anyone." Damon knew it would be true. She'd handled herself well feeding-wise that night.

"That's not what I meant." she pulled away and looked up at him with a fierceness in her eyes he'd rarely seen before. Like any moment they'd cloud over black and the veins would push their way to the surface. He stared at her questioningly. "We were dancing, and I... I licked the blood. We were touching and getting close... what would have happened...?"

He half frowned, unsure if she was pushing him into some sort of trap. Damon suddenly felt defensive- like there was no right answer here. Regardless of what he'd say she'd be angry. So he took the opportunity to stand up and stretch, helping him feel like he was putting that emotional wall into place between the two of them. Damon turned his back to her and gave a shrug.

"Whatever we wanted to happen." Elena was surprised he said _we_ and thankful it wasn't _I._ "...and then we'd be in a real spot because I wouldn't be able to erase it like the last time." he turned around to face her surprised that she was now standing and had closed the gap between them. She was close, dangerously close. Whenever Damon allowed himself a vulnerable moment with Elena, he'd be putty in her hands. She could be so manipulative if she wanted- like Katherine. But any manipulation from Elena was usually by accident, because she felt things so sincerely.

When Elena didn't respond with anything, he took that as his queue to leave. They'd talked like he wanted, he felt better about things, and certainly didn't feel like keeping an eye on her all night after this awkward position. "Well, goodnight."

He was about to jump down when her voice froze him. "I wouldn't want you to." Damon spun around unsure of what he just heard, convinced his senses were lying to him.

"What?" he demanded.

"...I wouldn't have wanted you to erase it. If we... If we did what we wanted..." he could see it was a struggle for her to keep eye contact with him, but she wasn't lying. "You scare me sometimes Damon. You scare me with what you awaken in me. You showed me how to revel in the feeding- just like you said. But it made me want to..."

"Want to what?" his face was serious now, his heart pounding, and despite his 150 years and more on this planet, Damon Salvatore felt like a teen-aged boy again.

"It made me want to revel, in _you_." She answered. There was silence between them as they stared across at each other. Elena's heart and mind were racing. "But I..."

"There's always a but..." grinned Damon, knowing this would be too good to be true.

"I chose Stefan. Maybe I wouldn't have if you didn't erase my memories, but I did. Stefan loves me, he wants to be with me for eternity-"

"Eternity wouldn't be enough for me Elena!" yelled Damon now, growing angrier. "I **want** you, I want every **part** of you, I want you in me and I want to be in you. I'd have stayed with you for eternity even if you weren't a vampire. I'd have-" He had stepped very close to her, swinging his hands and body around in frustration. They were now close to the edge of the roof and she was staring indignantly back at him even though she looked like she was about to cry. "I'm tired of being the one, who has to let you go because I want you to be happy. Someday I might not be so selfless." he whispered, kicking his emotions back into reverse and catching control of himself again.

"I'm not a cheater Damon, and I can't just leave Stefan for you after I made a choice. I want to be a good person, and feeding with you just makes me want you. I can't hurt Stefan like that. That's not the girl I want to be." Now her responses from earlier made a little more sense again. Elena wasn't ready to be brave enough to take what she wanted. _Maybe she didn't know what she wanted_, Damon thought to himself. Well, he'd sure as hell make sure she had something to think about.

"Okay. I understand that. So give me just **one** that neither of us forgets or regrets and then you can figure out what, and who, you want." said Damon stepping closer to her and staring her down.

"One what-?!" Before Elena could blink Damon was pressed against her, his hands wrapped around her back and through her hair, his lips meeting hers, and his eye lashes fluttered off her cheeks. Elena didn't even have a chance to breathe when the kiss hit. It stole her breath, any lingering cold inside her was now overwhelmed with warmth, her skin prickled, and her head dizzied. Damon was kissing her with such force that had she not been a vampire they would have fallen off the edge of the roof. What's more, she was kissing him back. Her hands pulled to his face and cupped his jaw on either side bracing him. She couldn't think, but she didn't want the kiss to end.

Damon was entrapped by the kiss. The feel of Elena, the taste of her, his body was humming and his senses were exploding. She was kissing him back, she was kissing back hard, she was kissing back passionately. He wanted her bad, every part of her, so it was with all his strength that he pulled away, breaking the kiss. He pressed his forehead to hers, panting, and brushed her hair out of her eyes. Her eyes were glittering and staring back at him through a haze of emotion.

"D-damon I..." she stammered

"Just... go inside... and get some sleep Elena." he pulled his face away but gave her his half smile half smirk, and caressed her face one last time. "I'm obviously not going anywhere if Mr. Vampire hunter is still on the loose. " she nodded still a little disoriented. "...so think about me. Think about _us_ and know that if you wanted it you could still have a choice." he backed away then, and after lingering long enough to burn this mental image of her standing, windswept, with her mouth slightly open, he leapt from the roof and headed for home.

Elena stood on the roof, and then realizing her house coat was open she pulled it closed around her. With her free hand she reached up and touched her lips. They still sparked and tingled, and felt different. Stefan had never kissed her like _that. _A kiss with Stefan had never felt like _that_. It was hard to know if this was all just a result from the blood sharing, but Elena couldn't help but think back to how things might have been different if he hadn't erased her memory of meeting him first. Finally, she walked back inside through the window, and closed it tight.


End file.
